Active Listening
February 5, 2007
What does everyone want that few will give? Money? No. Love? No.
Someone who will actively listen to them.
Active listening is a dying art. Now, you may be saying to yourself, “What? I listen to the radio. I listen to my spouse. I listen to my kids. Hmmm, I even listen to my boss.”
My follow-up to that response is, “Oh really?”
You see, almost no one does a good job of ACTIVE listening. We are too busy thinking about something else, especially if the sender of the information is speaking personally or just talking to hear him/herself talk. Active listening is the kind of listening whereby the receiver of the information is totally given to 'being-in-the-moment' with the sender. Furthermore, the listener is giving verbal and nonverbal feedback during the monologue in order to signal that hearing and comprehension is being done by the receiver. And, yes, I said monologue.
Active listening requires a great deal of concentration and focus early in a relationship. Why? Because there is no history. The history is being created in the present. Then, information is compiled as the relationship deepens. The key to keeping the relationship ‘fresh’ is working diligently to actively listen to the other person. In other words, I’m assuming that as we know more and over time, we grow. As we grow/change, our desires change, as well. What was once important to us years ago may not be relevant at all today.
Incorporating active listening in the work environment is a huge challenge, especially if the environment is politically-charged. It is critical to prioritize the work relationships. For example, pleasing one’s boss with a job well-done is a high priority for most employees. So, what is easier to do than to actively listen to what the boss is saying or not doing in order to provoke dialogue? In this kind of relationship, giving feedback by reflecting (receiver restates the point to the boss/sender) is one way to actively listen. Another way would be to ask questions, verifying to the boss that the information has been clearly understood and ensuring that the boss’ desire is truly what s/he wants. Also, by actively listening to the boss, it gives the boss the impression that the employee is engaged in the conversation and is ready to contribute when appropriate.
I could go on and on about different scenarios, but I think you get my drift. Active listening is a high-level of listening. Listening for ‘cues of desire’, meaning the sender of the information may be saying one thing, but wants another. Unfortunately, working relationships can be challenged by such an effort because of political agendas. However, active listening is still about what is being sent by the sender, and not about what the receiver wants to hear.
JerryWFranklin
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